before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize