I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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