I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
