Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
