she was so not down for the gang bang
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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