A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
