I hate all girls vehemently.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
