I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
