I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
