u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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