Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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