I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
