I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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