Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
