i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
