Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
