I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
