Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
