Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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