I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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