Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
where am i from again
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize