You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize