I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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