If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just want to make out with him forever
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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