There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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