Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
