My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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