The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
