Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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