so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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