so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
