that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
