she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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