i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
