I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
