3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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