Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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