You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
