How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
