Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
