NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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