Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
