i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
