Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
