yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
