theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
