I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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