Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
