For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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