had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
