im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
