If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
