I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
