I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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