it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
