I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
