Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
