Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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