all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Randomize
