THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
