my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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