my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
