I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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