yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
