Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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